Poem

I still need to update a lot of things that has happened before this, but I wanted to put up a poem that I wrote about what God taught me this week.

Dear God

By: Victoria Marie McGahey

Your trying so hard to teach me to trust you,

And that is something I do want to do,

It is gonna be hard though I don't know why,

I mean you love me so much you chose to die.

Why do I fear that you don't want my best?

Even so much that I would protest,

Stop in my track, complain, and whine,

Trying to run from your design.

Yet why I try to do it my way,

It always ends up that day after day,

I fail and fail and fail again,

Till I can stop and confess my sin,

From here on out this life is yours.

I throw away my hurt and sores,

Put my life in your hands

No longer make my own demands.

I will learn to rest in your will,

Feel peace in your plans and not fear the hill,

Mountains, valleys, and streams I will cross,

For you make it my gain and never a loss.

And as I commet my life to you,

I feel a peace refreshing and new,

I just can't wait to see you in action,

To fill my life with satisfaction,

That it was lived to bring you praise,

Every second of all my days.

Sitting At Starbucks

Right no wit is 3:46 Saturday November 20th of 2010. I still have a lot to update in my blog, but I just am really happy right now and without a journal so I thought I would blog about it. I just had lunch with one of my highschool teachers, Shelly Uner. Now I am am just sitting at Starbucks by myself thinking about how great God is. He has blessed me so much and made my time at YWAM such an enjoyable experience. I feel so close to Him and He is always blessing me and doing things for me that make me love Him more and more. I love God and the best thing is, He loves me. I wish everyone could fee how I feel right now, and I hope that this relationship with God only grows.

Another Journal Entry

I wanted to share another journal entry conversation with God that I had:

God, what do you think of me?

Dear beloved, you are beautiful. Oh man, I had fun making you. I gave you a quirkiness that I delight in and love watching others delight in even when you don't notice. I have made you a princess and a holy temple for me to dwell in. I have kept you mine, my little treasure. You will be given away and you will be loved more than most. Your husband will never cease to grow to love you for I have made you to know my love so that you may share it. You will change lives because of what I have done through you. I love you my beloved, now go in peace.

So yeah when God told all of this to me, it was kind of a big deal because these helped assure some fears that I had. And just helped assure me of his love for me. I know its a lot in small but yeah it was cool that God would just give me peace about so much with such little. GOD IS GOOD!

Novembver 1st-5th

Just to start off this week, on Monday, I got to sing for worship, so that was fun!

This week we had Stephanie's Dad, Steve Sizemore. I really enjoyed this week. We learned about Intimacy With God. This week was full of good surprises. Here are some of the surprises: We got to meet the Nashville base this week, so that was exciting. So yes, for those of you who do not know, YWAM is all over the world. You can find theme everywhere! Voting went on at our base, so we had to work around that too. I ended up having to sing in from of like a couple hundred of people that day and I didn't know I was going to be doing that until a few hours before I did that. It was exciting, except for the fact I didn't know many of the worship songs that well. I found out some of us, including me, got a sense that our Jordan outreach team was going to run into royalty while we were there. So that was exciting. And yeah basically all this week was amazing! I really enjoyed feeling like I was getting to know God better!

October 25th-29th

This week was probably my favorite. We had Al McBryan. He asked all the hard questions. Like Im talking freewill/predestination questions. I love LOVE love having hardcore conversations and debates about theological things. So this is what this week consisted of. I loved it! My brain was totally dead this week though, I thought so hard about SO MUCH! But man I enjoyed it. I love deep theological conversations. I even got his skype so that I could ask him my hard questions I had.

Acting on Ideas

One thing that I love about YWAM is that when I have an idea, I get to act on it and those around me help me with it. It hit me this week that I didn't really know anyone in our neighborhood that well, so I asked Andreas, one of the staff if we could have a neighborhood party and he said yes. So that Saturday I went around and handed invites to all of our neighbors and then went shopping for the party then we had it. It went so well. I got to meet a lot of people in our neighborhood and we may have even recruited some of the people to join YWAM. Turns out a lot of my neighborhood is awesome Christians. I know our 2 neighbor girls well now. They are my age so we have become pretty good friends though we hardly see each other with our busy lives. It is just cool how God blesses things like that. I really enjoyed the party and how it turned out!

October 20th

So I just wanted to write down my journal entry for this day.

God, what do you want to tell me this morning as I do my devotions?

Great are the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Victoria, I love you want to use you for my kingdom. This means dyeing to self and living in me for I am God. I will guide your paths and do not fear for I am with you, Do everything unto me and watch, just watch how I bless that, for I will make sure all glory comes to me. And yes, I love to glorify myself through you. So watch in expectancy and prepare to be amazed. Prepare your heart now, engage in battle for my kingdom. The enemy cannot kill you for you are already dead to him, but living in me who gives you eternal life. So why be fearful of one who cannot even lay a finger on you without my permission. So fight strong in my name, for in that name all is possible, for I am God, creator of the Heavens and earth. OH you of little faith, watch in expectancy for I am coming soon to bring my kingdom on earth. For I am a God of love. I sent my son for you, so why do you doubt. You sing of my greatness all the time, but do you believe it? Oh how I love you and long to reveal myself to you. Just look at the moon adn the stars, all my creation and see me. Let me reveal myself to you through what I have put around you. For I am God and this is good.

Jordan

Just a heads up for Jordan. Kristen and I will be in charge of photography. It's just cool that I get to use one of my passions for GOD! Haha, neat how God gives us passions and then uses them for His glory.

Crazy Mary 7 Might Nations October 18th-22nd

This week was a great week because Crazy Mary came talked with us. This is what we all call her. Just to give you a brief overview of what she is like, she opened us once by saying, "It's hard being 72 and still being a sex goddess!" She is who really helped Michael Berg, our founder, get his life together with God and start following Christ. She is truly an amazing person who changed my life more than most people have just within 1 week!

Monday morning I had something cool happen. I was doing my devotions and I prayed that God would give me something for intercession and right then He said, "Close your eyes to what is around you in order to see what I want you to see." That was cool because it ended up being a big deal with the intercession we had. As a matter of fact we ended up getting a warning for a YWAM base that is across the world. We told someone who was really involved there and they were just in shock because everything God told us was exactly what they were going through. So they got the warning. It's just awesome how God is using our little Orlando base to help bases across the world.

But back to intercession, Marry would just randomly call people out and have us all pray for them in the middle of class. So I found that cool. She had such genuine love for everyone. It's amazing when someone knows how to show such genuine love so well. Basically her teaching on the 7 Mighty Nations, those are things that God has told us to destroy that we have not destroyed. So some it is that God doesn't love you, some it's that your not worthy, some it's doubt. Things that are not true that you still believe. Mine was that I didn't believe God wanted to do great things with me and that he did want to talk to me. I realized even more that I felt like I had to earn God's love through good works. WELL Ezra prayed for me and well yeah man, GOD LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM AND THE BEST PART IS I BELIEVE IT! And, God wan't to do great things with my life. Ahhh man, I'm just so excited for the future.

We prayed for all of this stuff the last day. It was so awesome to watch. Like everyone got so freed of so many things. You could feel bondages released in that room that night it was so cool! :D

Sorry

Sorry everyone I have not updated for a while. YWAM got super busy with the 50th and SE Conference. But now that is over, so Im going to try to update to where I am now. Luckily I do have an up to date journal, so I don't have to depend on my memory.

Original Design

Original Design is where one or two people pray over you. But, they pray that God will tell them what He want's to highlight that He was thinking when He knitted you in your mothers womb. So basically these people pray that God will highlight some encouraging things He would like to tell you about yourself. This was really cool because the couple that prayed for me, I have never met before, so keep in mind they know nothing about me. The names of the couple that prayed for me was Theresa and Dean.

Im just going to write down the list of what they told me.

1) Theresa got a picture of me being a nurse caring for people. Now not in a physical way but in a emotional way, she got the sense that God has gifted me in caring for hurting people. This was crazy that this was the first thing because this is probably the thing God has most used me, by allowing me to help those that are emotionally hurting.

2) She also got a picture of me standing on a building with a megaphone saying THIS IS THE WAY THIS IS THE WAY! She just felt that I was very verbal with my belief and felt very comfortable publicly saying so. Such as even being comfortable speaking in front of people about it. This was neat because I love to speak in front of people and even feel some what of a calling to do so.

3) Dean got a picture of me standing up to a dragon pointing my finger at it and standing up to it. He said that the dragon would represent the enemy. He said he felt like I was fearless towards the enemy. He said God makes us all fearless but he feels like God gave me an extra boost of fearlessness.

4) Theresa then said she felt like God was saying that I was very strong willed and determined, not in a rebellious way, but in a way that I know what is right and I'm sticking to that, I'm not falling into the temptation around me trying to lure me away. That it's just very clear to me what I think is right. That was neat cause Im even going through some things right now where I'm being pushed to let go of what I believe and it was just encouraging to hear that that. It will make it easier to still do what I know is right.

5) Dean then got a picture of, you know how in older western movies indians would put their ears on the ground to try to hear if the enemy was coming? If not oh well, but he got that. He said he felt like this meant God had given me strong discernment of knowing when evil was coming or when the enemy was involved.

6) Then lastly Theresa got a picture of figuring monkeys that were the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil monkeys. She was saying how some may say that it seems I have really high standards for what I will and will not do. She said don't feel guilty about it because God has made me to have those standards for a reason.

And these were the things that this couple who didn't know me said. So I thought that was really neat and right on. God is so good!

October 11th - 15th

This week Ezra Griffith spoke about Lordship. Lordship is basically telling God any time, anywhere, and place. We learned what it means to give God all of these things and ask Him what He wants to do with it. It was for sure a convicting week. There are so many things that we hold on to and don't want to totally give to God.

One other thing that Ezra covered, which has to do with Lordship, is our work ethics. Some people think they are a good Christian when it comes to the front they put on at church, but the fruit of being a Christian comes out a lot when you are serving. Do you serve cheerfully and unto the Lord? This was convicting for me, especially when Ezra had us do this. He asked us to write down the top 5 things we would want in a dream employee. So I wrote my top 5 things down. Then he asked us if we judge our work off of that, how would we rate ourselves? This was like, oh man, I gotta start improving how I serve. But I can say this week when I had church clean up, which takes forever, I was able to do it with a lot more joy and just got to use that time to talk to God. I ended up getting commended in the end too. That was neat to see that God is already changing me. God is helping me grow so much from my laziness. I still can feel it in me wanting to come out, but God is really helping me overcome that sin and kill it. I have to hate it cause it hurts him.

We also had open mic night this week. This was neat because we got to experience everyones talents. There are many talented people on this Orlando YWAM base.

Friends/Family NIght

Every Tuesday night friends and family can come out to Evangel and visit me. If you come at 5:30 you can get a free dinner. The actual night begins at 7:00. If you come you will experience worship and then get a message from who ever has been teaching me all week. So just let me know if you are interested in visiting me.

Prayer

If you are wondering what you can pray about for me, I really need prayer that God brings me the rest of the money I need to finish YWAM. So please PLEASE please pray that God provides. I know that He will, He always does. It's just some what scary knowing I don't have all the money that I need yet.

Also pray that God continues to open up my heart and softening it so that He can mold it to make me more like Him.

Beach Adventure

I just wanted to share this story from going to the beach this weekend because you really saw God's hand in it. I went to New Smyrna Beach because I persuaded everyone that it's better than Coco, which they all agreed. Josh Smith, a friend of mine who lives out there and goes to a church we have planted there, and my friend Dylan, he goes to my church, came and met up with me and the YWAMers. Dylan left early but Josh stayed the whole day. After the day was over we went to drive home and about 10 minutes later the car over heats and the pipe thing broke so it was leaking koolant... IDK how to spell that. So we drove the car the a gas station and sat there examining it. There we met a kid named Corey who had recently been baptized and was on fire for God. It was really awesome. He drove us to Walmart to pick up some Koolant. I then texted my friend Josh who lives at the beach and let him know what was going on. It just so happened that where we dropped him off there was a mechanic at that house. So we drove back there and the mechanic looked at the car. We waited there where Ms. Jarvis served us food and drinks until our ride home got there. We ended up getting to spend most of the night praying and talking about how awesome God was and we may have even recruited a new YWAMer through Corey. It was such a neat experience, we all knew God had the car break down for a reason! God is so awesome!

October 4th - 8th

This is the week out founder talked, Michael Berg. His testimony was amazing. He basically did everything you shouldn't do that you can possible think of before he got saved, well almost everything. So to hear how years later God is using him so much is amazing and encouraging. He talked on relating to God as a father and even a mother. The biggest thing we talked on though was forgiveness. So later we had our small groups and we went through and thought of everyone we had not forgiven and forgave them. I think everyone cried! I thought I only had one thing I hadn't forgiven for, but man was I wrong. I had so many people to forgive. It felt so freeing once I forgave them though. Then next day we burned our paper or people we had forgiven in a fire. It was such an amazing experience! God is so awesome!

Oh the places you will go...

One thing really neat is, ever sense I have been here I have gotten to meet a new person every time I go out in public. The first time was when we all went shopping. We met this girl named Jordan and her friend. Her name being Jordan actually confirmed to some of the girls they were supposed to go to Jordan. But we got to reach out to them. Then we went to Walmart and met a really sweet old lady who really encouraged us with our walk with God and said she would be praying for us. Then We went to Lake Eola and we met this guy with a snake on his arm. He is a surfer and knows all these big surfers. He does a bunch of charity things with them, so I got to tell him about YWAM. He is the reptile guy at Bush Gardens. Then at the beach we met this kid named Corey who just recently dedicated his life to God. We told him about YWAM after he helped us with something and maybe have recruited a new member. It's awesome all the people you get to meet when you throw yourself out there and leave expecting God to put the right people in your path.

I finally know where I'm going!

So from the get go of this DTS, I felt like God was saying that He wanted to teach me patience in hearing his voice. God's timing is better than ours after all. Seriously, I'm a huge fan of knowing what I want to know when I want to know it. So this has been challenging. So guess what one of the things was God wanted to teach me patience with was, WHERE I GO ON MY OUTREACH! I had 2 options, Jordan or India. I have been very torn between the 2 and honestly had no idea where I wanted to go. Every day I'd ask God to tell me and every day I'd not be able to clearly hear Him. Actually I didn't hear Him give me an answer on where to go at all. So September 31st, I was starting to loose patience. I was actually demanding God that He tell me where I was going. So I felt God saying to get up and take a breath then come sit back down. So I did, and was like OHHH MAYBE GOD IS GONNA TELL ME NOW. So I do and then God gave me a page number in the Bible, I don't even remember the verse or page but this is what it said... "India!" Tricked ya! It actually said, "do not be hasty." I was like COMMON GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY! SO by then I got the point that God wanted me to wait. Little did I know that He was going to have me wait as long as He possible could. It gets to the last day, October 5th, and we had 15 minutes left to know where we wanted to go. I had NO IDEA we had to know by then. So I asked Jessie and Kristen to pray for me and they did. So I went in this open field to lay down and just waited on God to speak. For probably 13 minutes I didn't hear anything. I could see everyone walking in to give their paper to Jessie saying where they were going. Was God really going to wait this long to tell me? The answer to that is yes. I kept feeling myself drawn to Jordan even though India seems more like a place I'd enjoy. So I prayed and finally I was like God just give me an I or a J. Like that would be AWESOME! Like here I am with one minute left please just tell me. So I feel like He said sit up and look in front of you. So I did, and long behold, there were flies on my leg. So I was like hmmm weird, then God was like look up a little more, so I look at my foot and there on my foot is the letter J. I have a picture of it. It's awesome how much it looks like J. And I felt so at peace that I was to go to Jordan. So yeah, that is where I am going, Jordan. :D

How Am I?

So basically I feel like I am a different person sense I have been here. I am learning how to schedule out the social and studying, which I have done good on so far (I have done perfect on all my tests). It also means learning how to eat well and exercise on my own, which I have failed miserably at haha. I, Victoria McGahey am learning how to be a young adult! It's neat watching how God is changing me and turning me into one, just in time to turn 18 too!

September 27th - 31st

This was our first week of real classes. John Bills came and talked to us about hearing the voice of God. I am going to try to sum this week in one post though it has been probably one of the most if not the most life changing week of my life. This week we have been challenged to listen to God's voice. This has been awesome cause I have slacked a lot when it comes to listening to God's voice. When I was little I used to talk to God every night in bed and it felt like He was there and we were talking together. I haven't experienced that for a while sense then. So this week really pushed me to get back to that. John pushed us to ask God regularly. "What do you want to tell me?" and "What do you think of me?" So God has been answering both of those and it has been very interesting. Like, I am used to hearing God's voice. The thing is though, I listened to God when I really felt His presence and knew that He had something BIG to tell me. But I never really just BAM, God speak to me! So it's weird just learning to talk to God on the spot, BUT its awesome.

What has God told me?

This is a huge step me saying this, but for a while I have felt God saying that He wants to use me for great things. I have never accepted this and I still am having a hard time excepting this. You see, it's all the thing with not being disappointed. I don't want to look back on my life and know that God never did anything great through me. I still sometimes find myself fearing that this will be what happens. So Im taking a HUGE leap in faith in admitting that I feel like God has told me that.

As I have asked God what He thinks of me I was not getting anything clean... UNTIL! I believe it was on Wednesday of this week God decided to change that. I went to take a nap and guess who decided to speak to me in my sleep, God did! Yeah, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that. So this is how it went down. Here I am sleeping then all of the sudden I hear, "So Victoria. You know how when you look at your parents you get a lot of correction. They are always bring things to your attention and telling you things you can work on. (My parents are amazing parents and also commend me a lot too. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about them because they are amazing. But this is what God was telling me.) Well You know how many times you look at yourself as a fail because of that and like you will never be able to do anything right. On the other hand though, I have placed many other authorities in your life that let you get away with things and never correct you because you have been told that they don't feel worthy. You always fear they will not tell you what you need to hear. Well Victoria, I have made it this way so that you learn to come to me. You try to find what I think of you by going to other people and seeing what they think of you. You can't do this, you have to come to me to find what I think of you and I will tell you what I think of you." So yeah, I woke up because this little girl Tiffany woke me up by running me over with a skooter. I was just like, WOW GOD YOU DO WANT TO TALK TO ME! So that was exciting.

We have also been learning this week how to do intercession. This is where you pray for other people and places asking God to tell you what He wants you to pray for and maybe even some unknowns. We practice this almost every day. Normally we get in small groups and pray that God will put something our heart. Then we go around saying what we think God told us even if it's as crazy and Big Bird (there is a cool story about that btw). It's really neat cause in the end it all ends up tying together. I have enjoyed learning how to do this and that God does want to talk to you. You don't have to wait on Him to be like, Hey Victoria I want to talk to Him. You can be like, Hey God, I want to talk to you. It's so cool. The really exciting thing is that it has made me so excited about my morning devotional. I always am so excited that I get to talk to God... LIKE KING OF KINGS, CRATOR OR THE HEAVENS AND EARTH! Ahhh, it's just so exciting. So to feel that passion again is so refreshing. Man guys I'm in love... WITH GOD!

September 26th

Today I went to Evangel's church service. It was pretty good and it was fun to get to see the church that is serving us by letting us use their property. I will still be attending Metro most Sundays though. Today God did something really neat. Not to be overly specific, but I was having super bad cramps on Sunday. Now super bad cramps for me ends with me being dizzy and throwing up and really sick... not a fun experience. SO, for the first time I thought hey, just maybe I will pray God takes them away. So I put my hand where it was hurting and it got really hot then after that it felt like there was kicking. The next thing I know they are completely gone and I enjoy the rest of the day. This was really good because I have been doubting God a lot. I realized I have always been fearful to pray that God would do a miracle or something great because I am afraid of being disappointed if God chooses not to. So basically I have been putting God in a box for a long time. So for the first time in a while I asked God to do something out of the box I put Him in and He did it! This was an amazing faith booster. It got me excited to see what else God will do for me.

September 24th

Today was mostly just orientation still. They explained all the rules about YWAM to us and just basically an overload of everything we need to know. The Jordan team members are a couple named Jessie and Kristen Anderson. They both have twins who's names are Hunter and Noah. I really enjoy them and Jessie reminds me of my Uncle Matt Slack. I'm excited to get to know them. Kristen is really into photography. Speaking of which, I was told that after praying for my DTS they felt lead that this DTS was going to focus in a lot on photography and the arts! So I'm super excited about that!

September 23ed

Today was our orientation day. It took forever, such as going through 9 long steps in different stations. I was at the church all day. Oh, in case you didn't know, I'm training at a church called Evangle Assembly of God. They rent out their space to us. Here is where I spend most of my time and lost of my time on today. It was cool getting to know everyone though today. It makes me wonder who I will be friends with and what not. All of this is so new and exciting!

September 22ed

Day one I came and checked out my house to see how much stuff I could bring. Believe it or not, I, Victoria McGahey, under packed. So I got to come home and get more stuff. So I came home and had lunch with my Grandmommy and then I got more stuff. I then came to my new lovely home and unpacked and claimed my bed. I was told by the Carleton family, who's son just did I DTS (Discipleship Training School) where I am doing my DTS, that I should claim my bed as soon as I could. I asked why and they said that the person on the top bunk is effect a lot by the movement of the person on the bottom bunk. So yeah I got there first. But anyways I got to my new home and unpacked and made myself feel at home. Then I went to go have dinner at a different house to meet everyone in my neighborhood. I live in Jon Jon Ct. It's a nice little place. Of course that night i had trouble sleeping cause I was so excited about everything. I really enjoyed meeting everyone. I can tell these are friendships that will last the rest of my life.

My House :)

So I am now here at YWAM. I feel as if I am at home though. I live with 7 other people. In my room is Joy and Katie. Both of them do the Compassion school that will be going to Africa. I am doing Classic that goes to either Jordan or India. I get to choose which one I want to go to. For the first week there was a girl named Jessica in my room too but she decided YWAM was not for her and left. In the room next to me is Ashley and Kylie. They are both staff and I love them both a lot. I actually really like everyone in my house. Then for our house family is the Joensens. This family is made up of baby Erikur, then Barbra and Marnie. They are such a cute family. Soon we will be having a different girl from Sweden live with us.

I live in a small 3 bedroom house. There are 4 of us in 1 room. I'd have to say impressive. We all have responsibilities we do around the house and on the weekends we make dinner for each other. We also have personal devotions that we are required to do everyone morning. I really love my house and I get a long with everyone that I live with so well. I also really enjoy all of the staff here at YWAM.

How did I end up at YWAM?

So far all of this has felt like a dream. I don't even remember actually deciding yes, I am going to YWAM. I feel like I just floated a long here and here I am. But it goes to show you, God know's what He is doing because I sure do love it here.

I have visited family night for YWAM a few times. I really enjoyed those but never knew I pictured myself there. The funny thing is though, I'd get butterflies really bad before the family nights as if I was actually going there. But once I actually knew I was going it just never hit me. As a matter of fact, it's still hitting me that I'm here. Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn't even get butterflies or get nervous when I was on my way here. Not even when I got here cause it all felt so unreal to me. I still feel as if I'm in some wonderful dream.

In case you don't know this, YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission. It is basically a place where you can come to get trained for being a missionary. Every week they have a teacher fly in who gives you lectures every day. I have different books i have to read, verses I am required to memorize, and geography I have to learn. I have small groups and one on ones with staff. It is a really neat atmosphere.

Now for the big question that I guess isn't really big. How did I end up here? For a while, I wanted to go to Honduras with Hope For Honduras. One of the requirements is that you have missions training. So I started looking at places for missions training and saw YWAM. After learning about YWAM I eventually knew I wanted to go there weather it lead to Honduras or not. Eventually it all just happened and now I am here.

I really like YWAM and would strongly recommend it to anyone, married, single, young, or old. I think this place could benefit so many people!